Tuesday, May 1, 2007

That Mariners Show!



The Zany Sitcom Featuring
the Wacky Hijinks of
Seattle's Favorite Baseball Team

This week's episode takes place at the charming suburban home of Bon and Mr. Bon, devoted fans of Seattle Mariners baseball. Time is early one Sunday morning not so long ago.

SCENE ONE: Scene opens just after dawn Sunday morning to find Mr. Bon in the family room reading the newspaper and sipping his coffee. Sun is beaming through the window, birds are chirping. Camera one on Bon as she stumbles, bleary eyed down the stairs, gropes through the kitchen to get her coffee together. Follow to family room where she sits down next to Mr. Bon.

MR. BON: (as Bon reaches for newspaper) Hey hon, guess what?

BON: What hon?

MR. BON: The Mariner's traded Jeff Weaver!

BON: (brightly, waking up at the news) They did? Really?

MR. BON: Yep that's right! He's been traded for a high school football player out of Kent!

(insert laugh track here, maybe a rimshot)

BON: That reminds me hon, did you ever contact that clever donkey, Scott Boras?
After all, he's the one who convinced Bavasi and company to pay 8 million dollars for a pitcher whose claim to fame winning 3 post season game in what was otherwise a mediocre season. Maybe he could negotiate a more lucrative contract with your boss!

(cue laugh track)

MR. BON: Ah hon, you can't blame that whole 8 - 3 debaucle yesterday solely on Weaver. After all, our boys had 3 more hits than Kansas City and left 11 men stranded on base. It's not just Weaver who's having problems, sweetie.

BON: (hangs head in sadness) Oh hon, what will we do?

Camera pans out and fades to black.

SCENE TWO: Later that same day. Camera is on Bon in the kitchen cooking dinner, listening to the post game show.

Mr BON: (entering kitchen from back yard after mowing lawn) Mmmm something sure smells good! And sounds good too. Is that the post game show with Rick and Dave and happy totals?

BON: Yes sir! Our boys won the game today!

MR. BON: Oh Boy! Gee Willikers! What were the highlights?

BON: (while pouring two glasses of wine)

Oh Hon! Cha Seung Baek pitched a marvelous game! A no hitter all the way to the sixth!
And don't 'cha know Willie got an RBI double, that's good news! I don't want to seem critical, but his average was pretty darn low! Ichiro had a good game too! But I think the real highlight might have been Richie's single!

MR. BON: You don't say!
(counting on his fingers, with a look of exagerated thought on his face)
That's just great! You know, if he keeps this pace up he'll have ... let's see ... oh my goodness ... SIX singles by the end of season!!!

BON: (handing a glass of pinot to Mr. Bon) WOW! That is something to drink to!

(As Bon and Mr. Bon clink their glasses together with big, cheesy smiles and adoring looks, lets get a flash of light off the wine glasses and pan the camera back and fade to black.)